Battle: Los Angeles

I need to make a point in saying this straight out of the gate: I had NO expectations for this movie. That fact alone may mean that this review is biased in favor of the film, but overall, and in a really weird way, I adored this movie. And this is coming from someone who has always been a fan of science-fiction and has never held sci-fi movies to a lower standard than any other film genre. Is this something worthy of, say, the praise I constantly give District 9? No. But, in its own way, it really held its own on-screen.

I've read many a complaint about this movie that its dizzying, hard to follow, jumpy, blurry, lacks a general plot, etc., and on the one hand, I don't necessarily think those complaints lack a certain merit, but on the other, this movie kind of puts everything out there on the table just in the title. It's called Battle: Los Angeles, not Battle: Whole Earth Invasion, and the trailer in no way implied it would be anything other than that. Reduced to utter simplicity, this movie is like the bastard love child of Black Hawk Down and Signs. And to be honest, I don't actually think the film lacks a plot, the plot is merely extremely one-dimensional. Earth is invaded by an alien race for a natural resource that we actually have in abundance-water. They have advanced weaponry, are hugely militaristic and intend to come to Earth, take our water and destroy anything that gets in their way of achieving that goal.

As Mike said of it coming out of the theatre, "this was the most realistic 'invasion' movie" he'd seen in a long time, and I really don't disagree. The movie showed, without a doubt, how unprepared even our best military personnel really would be in the face of such complete annihilation. I think the shakey cam and blurry action only added to the sheen of authenticity that actually holds through the whole movie. The aliens are fast and have big guns. The soldiers can merely hope to react in time to hit something and stay alive.

As in most movies of this kind, there is a leader who must rise to the occasion after a moment in his history that quakes his belief in himself. This leader is, consequently, resentfully obeyed by the younger people in his squad who don't really know him aside from reputation and assume they know all there is to know about him and the mysterious mistake from his past. That leader is Aaron Eckhart, who I feel just by his presence on screen gives this movie a heart and a resonance that would have been absent otherwise. Naturally, his mistake was getting some boys killed in his last tour, one of who's brother just happens to be in Eckhart's newly formed squad. Even with everything going on around them they do eventually have the moment of discussing what happened, and I really thought the scene between Eckhart's Sgt. Nantz and Cory Hardict's Cpl. Locket was well done. Basically, Eckhart gives him the whole, don't-judge-me-until-you've-walked-in-my-shoes speech, but he does it with such sheer force of reserved military emotion that it's hard not to think about how many times that conversation has probably been had between soldiers. The respect in Nantz' voice is palpable, as is the regret he has for what happened as a result of his command. You know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that he would gladly trade places with all of them if he could.

The speech also serves as a turning point in the film, and the remaining soldiers alive suddenly feel an almost desperate familial bond to each other and Nantz and the task at hand. Armed with intel found by Sgt. Santos (Michelle Rodriguez) the team discovers a way to disable the aliens' airborne weapons (which are basically giant badass predator drones, unmanned, or shall we say, unaliened and controlled by a central machine.). Their goal is then to test their theory in the hopes of having intel to pass onto all the other countries and cities being plagued by the invaders.

The movie comes to a close with a successful and very human-triumphant vibe, but it also ends by way of continuation. Gloriously satisfied that their theory was proven correct, Nantz' team refuses to sit on the sidelines and wishes to slam head first back into the battle, because the city is not yet won. It's a moment that screams patriotism and unity amid chaos and is a general fist-pumping-generating moment.

There are brief civilian storylines thrown in and tragic deaths and very spectacularly brutal special effects and as it all rolls up together in the film I think it works. I don't think every sci-fi/alien movie has to be Aliens or District 9 or ET to be appreciated. This movie is almost like a snapshot of one area during one massive invasion. It's momentary, breathless and aggressive, but to say it's mindless or heartless would be blatantly untrue, at least in terms of how I looked at it.

I grant that it's not for everyone. For people who need a very involving plot or something that includes a lot of layers to be satisfied, then obviously this isn't for them, and if people want action that is clean and devoid of anything unpredictable they won't be pleased. But, if you want an invasion movie that is simply that, you want this. It's down and dirty, it's in your face and it doesn't apologize. You feel what those soldiers and civilians and little kids feel. You feel fear and confusion and panic and you feel blinded by the onslaught that is coming at you. So, if you can accept all that, or get past all of that, there's definitely a unique vision to see here.

Rango

Oh my gosh, how I enjoyed this movie. In a lot of ways it reminded me of how I felt coming out of Wall-e or Up. Just an all together fantastically made, highly enjoyable, makes-you-feel-good-about-life movie. I also happened to see it over my town's Spring Break, so even though it was a mid-afternoon showing on a week day the theatre was filled with all manner of patrons who were equally enthusiastic about the movie.

I had my doubts about Johnny Depp as a voice actor, not going to lie, but he really embodied the spirit of his little chameleon and I found myself really enjoying Rango's long soliloquies on how he was a rough-and-tumble-western-badass-turned-good-guy-sheriff.

In fact, all the voice talent in this film is fantastic. The only one I couldn't nail was Ned Beatty, who plays the mayor of Dirt. (Yes, DIRT.) Ray Winstone is in there as the town baddie, Bill Nighy is fantastic as the outlaw Rattlesnake Jake (his allegedly non-British "southern" voice is hilarious and awesome) and guess what kind of an animal he is?! Abigail Breslin and Isla Fisher are lovely as feisty town girl Priscilla and Rango's love interest Beans, respectively. Claudia Black as Angelique was brilliant, but the best cameo of the whole freaking movie was Timothy Olyphant as "The Spirit of the West". There are not words for how inspired that character is. I punched Mike in the arm and went "Timothy Olyphant!" in the theater in a harsh whisper and he looked at me like I was nuts. (Good times.)

Basically, Rango starts out the movie as a pet on a Southwest journey with his family. And, Rango thinks himself a thespian. The film's opening scene is nothing if not fantastic. Not only does it set the bar supremely high for the rest of the film's animation, but it sets the tone for who Rango is and what he really wants most, which is a simple "human" desire at it's core-much like Wall-E (to be loved and be in love) and Up (to learn how to live again after a loss)-Rango wants friends. He wants a family. He wants to be appreciated...Rango wants to belong and be the hero of his own tale. That sentiment in itself is what endears me most to the film and Rango. I mean, don't we all? We just want a place to feel at home and feel like someone loves us and looks up to us. That simple honest yearning is what gives the film it's heart and soul.

The conflict of the film revolves around Dirt's water problem. The town bank doesn't lock up money, but water, which is a visually arresting thing when you see the bank in the film. Not to mention, since Dirt is a desert town, it's fucking brilliant while being completely fucking practical. I LOVE animated movies these days for that reason. It brings the funny for the kids (fire-breath burp jokes, cactus juice as alcohol, characters named after food, a chameleon wearing long-johns), but it also has this completely adult plot line that is simple enough for children to follow, yet complicated enough for their parents to grasp and appreciate the film on a different level.

Naturally, Dirt loses its water and people are being forced to close shop and move, and Rango (aided by his vast theatrical imagination and a LOT of dumb luck) seeks to save Dirt and expose the evil doers (cough LAS VEGAS! cough) to get the town's water back. There is, of course, a villain closer to home than just Vegas, but remember who I said played the town's mayor? I'm pretty sure if I knew that going in I would have known from the first frame what was up.

Upon entering the Dirt watering hole, Rango decides to tell a magnificently tall tale and fashion himself a six-shooting dispatcher of bad-guys. All of Dirt thinks he fought off Rattlesnake Jake and his cronies with one bullet and thinks he's a hero, so they make him their sheriff and for a while, things go alright. But once the bank's water gets stolen and Rango leads an adventurous-albeit failed- rescue attempt he ends up being exposed as a liar to the whole town and cast out by the mayor and Rattlesnake Jake himself. At this point, he ventures back into the desert to find his way back to the road and civilization. Nearly at the end of his rope, delirious, depressed and nearly dead Rango finally meets who he's wanted to meet his whole life. His DESTINY, conveniently packaged in the shape of "The Spirit of the West" who is the most creative homage to the Westerner of all Westerners, Clint Eastwood himself. Olyphant, while not quite Eastwood, does a massively good Eastwood impression and Rango finally knows what he must do and treks to "the source" of the water to make one last effort to save his own life just by believing in himself.

I really, REALLY enjoyed being in the audience for this movie. It was fun, it was moving, and it was fucking incredible to look at. There were moments when the scene encompassed the landscape of the desert or the sky and dude, I'm telling you if I hadn't known it was animation, I would have assumed it was real. The amount of animation detail (and not just visually) this movie has is just unfathomable. This is the kind of movie that reminds you-if you need reminding-of why you love movies. It's the little things, the moments where you go "Jesus, that was great that they thought of that!" that make you love it. And I love the imagination behind this film too, it's just so unique yet it's such a basic and simple story that we've all heard a million times yet it doesn't feel stale or old at all.

Rango is fresh, hilarious, fun, relatable, gorgeous and does a pretty convincing job of showing that we probably all have a little of that ballsy chameleon in our souls. We tip our caps to you, Rango.

Capsule Reviews: Beastly, Red Riding Hood & The Adjustment Bureau

Ok, let's be fair. I knew Beastly was going to be shit. I had low expectations for Red Riding Hood and unfortunately for me, I had about six extra months of anticipation for The Adjustment Bureau which only served to make it worse for me once I saw it. Just wanted everyone to know the playing field. Let us begin.

Beastly: If you know me at all, you know that I am a sucker for Beauty and the Beast. It is and probably will always be my favorite Disney movie, even though to some extent it can be considered the film that began the systematic destruction of hand-drawn animation-but, that's not the point. Apparently Beastly is based on a novel by the same name which I have been trying to read and which is awful. So, source material being what it is, I'm surprised this film got made at all. Alex Pettyfer plays Kyle/Hunter, our resident jerk-off-becomes-nice-guy-after-being-turned-into-hideous-chud. Kyle is the epitome of selfish, vain and outright douchey and Pettyfer hits on all the right notes there, even while doing it with a very wayward "American" accent. Vanessa Hudgens plays Lindy, the girl whom our beast sets his sights on when he comes to slowly realize there actually is more to life than just "the pretty people". I found Lindy to be awkward and forced at times, though considering the rest of the plot, who really cares? The single BEST thing about this movie is Neil Patrick Harris, who plays a blind tutor to Kyle after he gets voted off the island by his equally douche-vain news anchor father. He's quippy and fantastic (as usual) but he brings a much needed brevity and reality to the texture of the film. Look, I'm not even going to do the rest of this. That last sentence is just making me laugh. The point is, if you like Beauty and the Beast, go see this movie for shits and giggles (matinee, price!). It does have it's moments of being worthy of "Tale as Old as Time" which WILL get stuck in your head for no reason at all. I went to it after a rather droll day at work and it did make me feel better. Granted, I went home and watched the REAL Beauty and the Beast...but again. Not the point.

Red Riding Hood: Jesus God. I don't even know much about Twilight beyond the general lame-ass-girl-inexplicably-being-fought-over-by-two-other-wordly-shitheads, but this freaking movie is the Old World fable version of Twilight. The ethereal Amanda Seyfried and uncompromisingly awesome Gary Oldman couldn't even save this film from Catherine Hardwicke's angsty hands. I was particularly flummoxed by the apparent "lack of discernable era" that the film emoted. They were in a forest, in a tiny town being haunted by a terrible beasty and yet I had NO idea when the hell it was taking place. A city was mentioned, but when they showed it it looked like the cobbled streets of London circa Jack the Ripper so that didn't help at all. Seyfried's two leading men-we'll call them #1 and #2 because they were laughable and horrid and I just don't care-were about as far from engaging as actors can be. I felt zippo passion on either front and I was just incredibly BORED with the whole arranged-marriage-loves-someone-else hoopla. The best thing this flick had going for it (aside from the more random than RANDOM steel elephant being drug through a snowy forest by Oldman's men) was the scenery of their little town. The whole time I was basically thinking "Fuck Grandma, I want my own cabin." Did I mention Julie Christie was in this? No? Well forget she was. I'm sure she already has. I guess that's your movie in a nutshell...a beasty, a mountain-faring-steel-torture-elephant and era-less real estate thoughts. Don't see this unless someone else pays, and even if they do, TRY to convince them to see Beastly instead. Based on the caliber of actors and how serious it took itself, Red Riding Hood is a farther cry from a good film than Beastly is, and man, that's just sad.

The Adjustment Bureau: As I said earlier, my not liking this movie was partly my own fault. I say again, partly. But in my defense, the stupid thing was supposed to come out last year! Plus, when you throw me such an excellent trailer with excellent people that I have to watch for seven months, it's hard for me to reign in that excitement. The funny thing was, coming out of the film I was ok with it. It was only after ruminating for quite sometime that I realized I HATED it. Here's the gist: Matt Damon plays a senatorial candidate, David Norris (who all through the film I assumed was related to Chuck) who has a hole in his heart due to family tragedy. Emily Blunt plays a stranger-on-a-train type contemporary ballet dancer, Elise Sellas, who just can't quite get her shit together long enough to get married. They meet, perchance, one thinks, after an important moment in Norris' career efforts, and are, allegedly, never to meet again. But, the whole film quickly becomes focused on David's necessity to find Elise again, because she's the only thing that makes him feel whole again. I have NO problem with the actors in this film, the performances, even from bit players are stellar. It's directed beautifully, with a lush appreciation for its urban surroundings and in general it's just very well done. The problem is that it was marketed as a science-fiction film with a heart when really it was just a bloody romance movie with a meager few quips on Christian fatalistic ponderings. The movie on the whole left me with far more questions than answers and I didn't even think I had questions going into it. I had expectations for this, yes, but the odd thing is my expectations weren't even in the same genre of what the film turned into.

The film implies The Chairman has a plan for everyone, and conveniently lets his employees work that shit out with handy dandy paper GPS books that look like blueprints of sewer systems. These employees are always a step ahead of their pray because they have special hats-yes, I said HATS-that allow them to pass through doors in a swift step and end up four blocks away. They never tell you how these angelic employees are chosen, how they're trained, or WHY angels need a giant office building in downtown New York as headquarters when they can go anywhere at anytime. Angels in the cubicles? Really? Not to mention, they never really explain why David and Elise are so damn important. Surely there are other people who would fight their faith to be with someone?

Regardless, I was led astray by the trailer, which clearly implied that there would be way more science-fiction and that the love story was merely a bi-product of the whole plot, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

The film has penetrating moments when you think it might be headed toward something other than the cosmic pull of love, but it ends up just being a tease. I liked both characters separately from one another, but pretty much couldn't stand them by the end of the film. Definitely not the outcome I had been hoping for.

Bottom line, this film expects me to believe that, not just former, but a disgraced former senatorial candidate rode the same bus for three YEARS just on the hope that he'd bump into a woman he knows nothing about. That's pretty much your movie, right there. And welp, jog the hell on with that.

I Am Number Four

I'm not sure how to review this movie if I'm quite honest. I feel if I say like it you'll - all, you know, three of you - think I'm a tool, but if I say there's not much of a film here you'll say I'm a snob, so I feel at a loss. Therefore, I'm going to go with this: IF you enjoy Michael Bay (ie, action films heavy on special effects and light on reality) movies and also enjoy teen angst television and/or novels, you'll actually come out of this film feeling pretty damn content.

This is an adaptation, yes, but from what I've heard, the novel is actually a spoof of said formula and was always intended to be a film so I'm assuming that said novelist watched something like "Push" and then read something like "Jumper" and came up with this nonsense that attempts to blend science fiction with high school romance. I've been hearing many a reviewer say "this movie is what happens if Transformers and Twilight hooked up and had a baby" but that just isn't right. It's not as over the top in special effects and battles as Transformers and isn't as saggy under the weight of romance as Twilight.

Movies like this have a very easy formula. Hot alien who just happens to look humanoid, and not just humanoid, but a leading alien dude who's a borderline Adonis, but of course a nice guy, patient, compassionate, shy. Hot loner Earthling girl who just happens to be smart and pretty and can completely deal with the fact that her boy wonder is from outer space and has the power of awesome literally in his fingertips. Throw in a more advanced hot female alien who has to save hot alien's ass, hot alien adult caretaker who falls to some unfortunate end protecting hot alien, jerk-bag ex-boyfriend to hot loner Earthling, nerdy sidekick who befriends hot alien and of course a large and ugly group of baddies and BAM there's your cast. In the major leads we have relative newcomers Alex Pettyfer and Dianna Agron. As the veteran caretaker the absolutely wonderful Timothy Olyphant and in the other roles are a bunch of people whom I'm familiar with but everyone else probably isn't so it doesn't really matter.

Pettyfer has what I assume is instant star appeal. I've heard he's full of douchebaggery in real life, but on screen he's very dynamic and there's definitely some potential there. He's pretty, but rugged and very physical. One got the impression that he did a number of his own stunts in this flick. As much as I love her in Glee, Agron is...well boring in this film. What makes her interesting is the fact that Pettyfer's "John Smith" is interested in her at all. My biggest shout out for the film (beyond the utter joy I get any time Olyphant is on screen) goes to Teresa Palmer as "Number Six", a fellow alien of John's, and she is a leather-clad, motorcycle-riding, ninja-with-wicked-knives-guns-and-evaporating/fireproof powers badass chick. She suffers no bullshit and came across as a very valuable asset to John.

As far as plot is concerned, the whole thing is utterly predictable from start to finish, (and by predictable I mean you can follow the second-grade-linear-sequence-of-events, but you have no idea WHY any of it is happening, nor do you care all that much) but because of the quick pace of it and the well timed entrance of action sequences it doesn't ever feel like it's lagging at any point. Since this adaptation was in no uncertain terms leading to a second film/novel/whatever it certainly felt like the ending was a cop-out, but I feel like overall the movie did its job.

I'm a movie junkie, so I go to my fair share of utter CRAP movies; (See: Takers, Season of the Witch, In the Name of the King, etc.) and this is definitely not in that lower echelon of awful, but it is a run-of-the-mill 18-35 demographic movie. I do hope that Pettyfer one, settles down off set, and two, considers his next few roles very carefully since it would be rather easy for a fellow like him to be typecast in this kind of film.

All that said, I had fun. The trailer spells out the movie and if you enjoyed the trailer you'll enjoy the movie. I had a boring Tuesday at work and then went to this film and felt like I'd been slapped in the face with pure adrenalin, which is what I wanted, so it's definitely worth a look...at least at a matinée price ;)

The Roommate...yes, really.

Yes, of course I only went to see this because Matt Lanter was in it, let's just get that out of the way. I do like Leighton though and she was totally who I left the theatre thinking about, so not a total loss.

The general plot of this film is blatantly given away in the trailer, but it's basically an younger, slightly different take on Single White Female--which, I find insanely scary in a very visceral way--but, as one might assume, it doesn't *exactly* hit it out of the park. Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester plays Rebecca, an off-kilter college freshman and she rooms with Friday Night Lights' Minka Kelly as Sarah, a tragically over-canonized "unbelievable fashion talent from podunk-nowhere Iowa"...no, really. I know. Sigh. There are bit characters, Lanter as Sarah's ex Jason, Cam Gigandet as Sarah's new love, Aly Michalka as a quickly dealt with dorm mate who is stealing some of Sarah's attention away from Rebecca, etc. but to be honest, none of them really matter. At all. The film is about Rebecca and her rapid descent into crazy.

It does its job as a creepy movie, but fails utterly as a thriller since the plot is so devastatingly predictable. This is not the trailer's fault, but the script's. There are moments of shining brilliance within the film; for example, in a ploy to get Sarah to stay home with her, Rebecca goes through a gruesome self-inflicted wound moment where she beats herself up and even cuts herself with a box cutter to feign nearly being raped. The moment works because of Meester's uncanny dedication to the part, the emotion behind her eyes is nothing if not terrifying. She looks at her bruises with an appreciative love, knowing that it will get Sarah to stay with her.

The film relies heavily upon our rooting for Sarah, but Kelly is just SO unengaging and boring that I found myself pulling for Rebecca the whole time. I knew she was outside her head, but I didn't care; she was proactive, assertive...in short, bitch got shit DONE, and I loved her for it. Kelly somehow even fails to have chemistry with Cam Gigandet, her love interest. How the hell does that happen? Meester has more chemistry with a cell phone in a very racy, and disturbing as hell scene where she pretends to be Sarah while talking to Jason (Lanter).

*Note, I have been told by a very good friend of mine that Minka Kelly is capable of excellent acting as seen in Friday Night Lights, but rest assured, you won't see any of it in this film. You'll probably want Rebecca to kill her by the time it's over, just as I did.

Another interesting moment is when the roomies go "home" to Rebecca's house--er, giant fucking mansion--for Thanksgiving and it becomes obvious that Sarah is not the first girl Rebecca has done this freaky dance with. That girl happens to be Nina Dobrev, but don't hyperventilate, she only has one line.

However, with everything that happens it takes a hugely contrived scene that one could see coming from 40 minutes away. It's only then that Sarah finally wakes up out of her "I'm just a talented little bitch from Iowa with 12 year old voice" coma and realizes that Rebecca is batshit nutzo.

In the final act we see (naturally) an epic fallout between the once loving girls. Rebecca tries to earn her place back in Sarah's heart by bearing her soul and telling her all the evil she's done to "protect her" at which point a somewhat well filmed battle ensues and it isn't until Rebecca realizes Sarah intends to kill her that she really tries to end Sarah. Sarah's final line is incredibly forced, lacks any conviction whatsoever on behalf of Kelly and actually feels humorously misplaced. Not to mention that if the comment were true, it was partly Sarah's fault for not being honest with Rebecca in the firs place. (In particular, watch for a scene between the girls when they go to an art gallery. Sarah clearly does something that endears her to Rebecca even more, despite the fact that she doesn't feel that way at all.)

All in all, Meester hits an absolute home run with this role. The movie pales as a whole in comparison to her performance. There isn't a second that you don't sincerely believe she's insane. Her eyes, even the way she smiles...everything she does has a willful and frightening intent behind it, one that is subtle but visible and creepy. If you are a fan of Meester and her budding career, by all means go to this, but if you are thinking it's going to be a big break for Kelly, don't go. I implore you. She's horrendous. You don't have to go see this movie, by any stretch, but it certainly will keep you entertained for the better part of two hours. The only scenes that are palpably dragging are the ones Meester aren't in, which are thankfully few and far between. So, if you've got a spare $7 hanging round and want to get out of the house, you have my blessing to see this.

PS-I particularly enjoyed a scene between Meester and Billy Zane, who plays a toolish design professor fantastically well. If you're a dude, you will be sufficiently freaked out, as damn well you should be. ;p