I Am Number Four

I'm not sure how to review this movie if I'm quite honest. I feel if I say like it you'll - all, you know, three of you - think I'm a tool, but if I say there's not much of a film here you'll say I'm a snob, so I feel at a loss. Therefore, I'm going to go with this: IF you enjoy Michael Bay (ie, action films heavy on special effects and light on reality) movies and also enjoy teen angst television and/or novels, you'll actually come out of this film feeling pretty damn content.

This is an adaptation, yes, but from what I've heard, the novel is actually a spoof of said formula and was always intended to be a film so I'm assuming that said novelist watched something like "Push" and then read something like "Jumper" and came up with this nonsense that attempts to blend science fiction with high school romance. I've been hearing many a reviewer say "this movie is what happens if Transformers and Twilight hooked up and had a baby" but that just isn't right. It's not as over the top in special effects and battles as Transformers and isn't as saggy under the weight of romance as Twilight.

Movies like this have a very easy formula. Hot alien who just happens to look humanoid, and not just humanoid, but a leading alien dude who's a borderline Adonis, but of course a nice guy, patient, compassionate, shy. Hot loner Earthling girl who just happens to be smart and pretty and can completely deal with the fact that her boy wonder is from outer space and has the power of awesome literally in his fingertips. Throw in a more advanced hot female alien who has to save hot alien's ass, hot alien adult caretaker who falls to some unfortunate end protecting hot alien, jerk-bag ex-boyfriend to hot loner Earthling, nerdy sidekick who befriends hot alien and of course a large and ugly group of baddies and BAM there's your cast. In the major leads we have relative newcomers Alex Pettyfer and Dianna Agron. As the veteran caretaker the absolutely wonderful Timothy Olyphant and in the other roles are a bunch of people whom I'm familiar with but everyone else probably isn't so it doesn't really matter.

Pettyfer has what I assume is instant star appeal. I've heard he's full of douchebaggery in real life, but on screen he's very dynamic and there's definitely some potential there. He's pretty, but rugged and very physical. One got the impression that he did a number of his own stunts in this flick. As much as I love her in Glee, Agron is...well boring in this film. What makes her interesting is the fact that Pettyfer's "John Smith" is interested in her at all. My biggest shout out for the film (beyond the utter joy I get any time Olyphant is on screen) goes to Teresa Palmer as "Number Six", a fellow alien of John's, and she is a leather-clad, motorcycle-riding, ninja-with-wicked-knives-guns-and-evaporating/fireproof powers badass chick. She suffers no bullshit and came across as a very valuable asset to John.

As far as plot is concerned, the whole thing is utterly predictable from start to finish, (and by predictable I mean you can follow the second-grade-linear-sequence-of-events, but you have no idea WHY any of it is happening, nor do you care all that much) but because of the quick pace of it and the well timed entrance of action sequences it doesn't ever feel like it's lagging at any point. Since this adaptation was in no uncertain terms leading to a second film/novel/whatever it certainly felt like the ending was a cop-out, but I feel like overall the movie did its job.

I'm a movie junkie, so I go to my fair share of utter CRAP movies; (See: Takers, Season of the Witch, In the Name of the King, etc.) and this is definitely not in that lower echelon of awful, but it is a run-of-the-mill 18-35 demographic movie. I do hope that Pettyfer one, settles down off set, and two, considers his next few roles very carefully since it would be rather easy for a fellow like him to be typecast in this kind of film.

All that said, I had fun. The trailer spells out the movie and if you enjoyed the trailer you'll enjoy the movie. I had a boring Tuesday at work and then went to this film and felt like I'd been slapped in the face with pure adrenalin, which is what I wanted, so it's definitely worth a look...at least at a matinée price ;)

The Roommate...yes, really.

Yes, of course I only went to see this because Matt Lanter was in it, let's just get that out of the way. I do like Leighton though and she was totally who I left the theatre thinking about, so not a total loss.

The general plot of this film is blatantly given away in the trailer, but it's basically an younger, slightly different take on Single White Female--which, I find insanely scary in a very visceral way--but, as one might assume, it doesn't *exactly* hit it out of the park. Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester plays Rebecca, an off-kilter college freshman and she rooms with Friday Night Lights' Minka Kelly as Sarah, a tragically over-canonized "unbelievable fashion talent from podunk-nowhere Iowa"...no, really. I know. Sigh. There are bit characters, Lanter as Sarah's ex Jason, Cam Gigandet as Sarah's new love, Aly Michalka as a quickly dealt with dorm mate who is stealing some of Sarah's attention away from Rebecca, etc. but to be honest, none of them really matter. At all. The film is about Rebecca and her rapid descent into crazy.

It does its job as a creepy movie, but fails utterly as a thriller since the plot is so devastatingly predictable. This is not the trailer's fault, but the script's. There are moments of shining brilliance within the film; for example, in a ploy to get Sarah to stay home with her, Rebecca goes through a gruesome self-inflicted wound moment where she beats herself up and even cuts herself with a box cutter to feign nearly being raped. The moment works because of Meester's uncanny dedication to the part, the emotion behind her eyes is nothing if not terrifying. She looks at her bruises with an appreciative love, knowing that it will get Sarah to stay with her.

The film relies heavily upon our rooting for Sarah, but Kelly is just SO unengaging and boring that I found myself pulling for Rebecca the whole time. I knew she was outside her head, but I didn't care; she was proactive, assertive...in short, bitch got shit DONE, and I loved her for it. Kelly somehow even fails to have chemistry with Cam Gigandet, her love interest. How the hell does that happen? Meester has more chemistry with a cell phone in a very racy, and disturbing as hell scene where she pretends to be Sarah while talking to Jason (Lanter).

*Note, I have been told by a very good friend of mine that Minka Kelly is capable of excellent acting as seen in Friday Night Lights, but rest assured, you won't see any of it in this film. You'll probably want Rebecca to kill her by the time it's over, just as I did.

Another interesting moment is when the roomies go "home" to Rebecca's house--er, giant fucking mansion--for Thanksgiving and it becomes obvious that Sarah is not the first girl Rebecca has done this freaky dance with. That girl happens to be Nina Dobrev, but don't hyperventilate, she only has one line.

However, with everything that happens it takes a hugely contrived scene that one could see coming from 40 minutes away. It's only then that Sarah finally wakes up out of her "I'm just a talented little bitch from Iowa with 12 year old voice" coma and realizes that Rebecca is batshit nutzo.

In the final act we see (naturally) an epic fallout between the once loving girls. Rebecca tries to earn her place back in Sarah's heart by bearing her soul and telling her all the evil she's done to "protect her" at which point a somewhat well filmed battle ensues and it isn't until Rebecca realizes Sarah intends to kill her that she really tries to end Sarah. Sarah's final line is incredibly forced, lacks any conviction whatsoever on behalf of Kelly and actually feels humorously misplaced. Not to mention that if the comment were true, it was partly Sarah's fault for not being honest with Rebecca in the firs place. (In particular, watch for a scene between the girls when they go to an art gallery. Sarah clearly does something that endears her to Rebecca even more, despite the fact that she doesn't feel that way at all.)

All in all, Meester hits an absolute home run with this role. The movie pales as a whole in comparison to her performance. There isn't a second that you don't sincerely believe she's insane. Her eyes, even the way she smiles...everything she does has a willful and frightening intent behind it, one that is subtle but visible and creepy. If you are a fan of Meester and her budding career, by all means go to this, but if you are thinking it's going to be a big break for Kelly, don't go. I implore you. She's horrendous. You don't have to go see this movie, by any stretch, but it certainly will keep you entertained for the better part of two hours. The only scenes that are palpably dragging are the ones Meester aren't in, which are thankfully few and far between. So, if you've got a spare $7 hanging round and want to get out of the house, you have my blessing to see this.

PS-I particularly enjoyed a scene between Meester and Billy Zane, who plays a toolish design professor fantastically well. If you're a dude, you will be sufficiently freaked out, as damn well you should be. ;p